You may experience emotions from grief and loss to relief and joy. Or even a combination. No matter how you feel about your adoption, every emotion is valid. There is no right or wrong way to feel about adoption. Some birth mothers who experience feelings of happiness or joy for their child worry that it makes them a “bad mom” because they expect negative emotions such as sadness or loss.

We’re here to assure you that feeling excited or happy for your child’s future doesn’t make you a bad parent. If you’re unsure of how to support your child’s happiness, you can reach out to an adoption professional for guidance or continue reading below.

It’s Okay to Be Happy

It’s easy to think of adoption as an emotionally difficult process. And it often is for many birth mothers. However, some birth moms never feel the feelings of grief and loss. Instead, they may feel relief, joy or excitement because they know their child will be going to live with loving family who can give them an amazing life.

Or they may experience these feelings of sadness, but in conjunction with the happy emotions. That’s okay too. You don’t have to feel things in extremes. It’s normal for your emotions to run the full spectrum.

Feeling happy for your child doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. In fact, it means you care so much that your feelings of wanting the best for your child overpower or coexist with any negative feelings about having to separate from your child. Their happiness is your happiness.

Adoption Isn’t Giving Up

Because of how difficult it often is for birth mothers to place their baby with another family, feeling anything resembling happiness can make you feel like you’re giving up on your child. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Adoption is one of the biggest sacrifices you can make for your child.

Nobody considers adoption because they think it’ll be easy. You chose adoption because you wanted to give your child the life that you know they deserve, but cannot currently give them. You’re putting their needs before your own feelings.

How to Support Your Child’s Happiness

If you’re experiencing positive emotions, it’s likely because you’re excited for your child’s future, and you can’t wait to see them happy with their adoptive parents. The best thing you can do with this happiness is share it! Channel that into supporting your child’s happiness. But how do you do this?

Chances are you likely chose to have an open adoption. This means you have a post-contact arrangement with your child and their adoptive family. You can check in on your child through:

• Texts and calls
• Emails
• Video chat
• Social media
• In-person visits

This allows you to see how well they’re doing. It’s also an opportunity to let your child know how much you love them. You can also update your child and their adoptive family on your life as well. By this point, they may have come to think of you as part of their extended family. They’ll want to know how you’re doing as well, and you sharing information about yourself will only strengthen the bonds you have.

Navigating Emotions

Even the positive emotions can be a bit difficult to navigate. You may be caught off guard and unsure of why you’re experiencing them. Or may even feel guilty and concerned about what it says about you as a birth mother. We cannot stress enough that being happy for your child doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a compassionate and loving one.

If you’re unsure of how to navigate these emotions, there are adoption counselors available to talk to 24/7. To get the emotional guidance you need, reach out to an adoption professional today.

The post Supporting Your Child’s Happiness [Wanting the Best for Them] first appeared on Considering Adoption.

Grace and mercy are typically thought to be interchangeable. We use the words as if they have the same meaning, but just as I broke down what “Grace” is in the first article in this series, I will now break down what “Mercy” is.

While they hold different meanings, grace and mercy coincide with each other to offer us a much more fulfilling and peaceful life. Even if you struggle at first to apply grace and mercy to your life and the lives of others, know that using these virtues will become easier as they become woven into how you live out your life. They will lighten your heart load and help you to share love within yourself and with others.

What is Mercy?

As with grace, there are many different definitions and ways to understand mercy. A few definitions of mercy by Merriam-Webster include:

• compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one’s power
• lenient or compassionate treatment
• a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion
• compassionate treatment of those in distress

All over the Bible, we read about spiritual ideas of mercy. Here is one of the scriptures regarding mercy:

“Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].” – Hebrews 4:16 (AMP)

Not only do we see grace quoted my many people throughout history, but also the ideas behind mercy. Here are a few famous quotations about mercy:

“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.” – Abraham Lincoln

“A little bit of mercy makes the world less cold and more just.” – Pope Francis

“Mercy is stronger than your sword.” – P. C. Cast

“The greatest firmness is the greatest mercy.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Mercy listens — really listens, with interest and concern — then smiles, and reaches out her hand.” – J. M. DeMatteis

“Where mercy is shown, mercy is given.” – Duane Dog Chapman

“The more merciful acts thou dost, the more mercy thou wilt receive.” – William Penn

“Mercy is most empowering, liberating, and transformative when it is directed at the undeserving. The people who haven’t earned it, who haven’t even sought it, are the most meaningful recipients of our compassion.” – Bryan Stevenson

Mercy Responds

Mercy is the forbearance of punishment when no redemption has been enacted. It is forgiveness given without having been asked for it.

Birth mothers know all about mercy as well: We gave it to those who we felt let us down when we made our adoption decision.

As birth mothers, we have probably all felt the sting of loneliness and despair in facing an adoption decision. Chances are, like in my situation, there were loved ones you expected to support you who let you down. Despite our disappointment in them, we had to choose to forgive them, and move on by making our own decision about placing our babies for adoption.

Mercy responds, “I will forgive them so that I may have peace, and there is no need for me to feel condemned as I learn from the struggle of this season of my life.”

The Lessons from Grace and Mercy

Both grace and mercy are an act of love that reflects our own character, regardless of the other person’s character. No matter what faith virtues you hold, we can all grasp the concepts of grace and mercy. We can receive grace and mercy for ourselves, and we can grant them to others as well.

Mercy and grace, as practically applicable principles, will always encourage healing through growth that promotes maturity. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. It’s not always easy to practice the principles of grace and mercy in our lives, but growing in our own character is more important than fitting in with the crowd or caring what others think of us.

We can grow and mature in learning through applying the principles of grace and mercy in our own paths of healing post-placement.

This article is the second in its series. Please refer to Part 1 – Grace, before reading about “Mercy.”

-Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay Arielle is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption more than a decade ago. Over the years, Lindsay has chronicled her post-placement healing walk via her writing to share her experience, strength and hope with other birth mothers on their own paths of healing. Lindsay’s blogs boldly reflect that, “Healing is a journey, not a destination.”

The post Grace and Mercy: Part 2 – Mercy first appeared on Considering Adoption.

What comes to your mind when you hear the words: “Grace” and “Mercy?”

Perhaps you think of a specific religious denomination? Or spiritually perfected concepts that are unattainable? Or beautiful words with loving sentiments that you can use to feel lighter on mentally heavy days? Or maybe they are values that always go together but seem difficult to separately define and apply?

I have a question for you today: What if they were words with intense healing power that you could utilize to heal your own heart and gift to others as well?

As a birth mother on a journey of healing post-placement, I could sure use some power-packed grace and mercy in my own life, not only for myself, but for those around me as well.

In this two-part article series, I will break down the difference between grace and mercy. While they are often used interchangeably, they are not the same things. It may be difficult to grasp the difference, but I have faith that you will see how their differences help them to work together to create a wonderfully woven healing way of life.

What is Grace?

There are many different definitions and understandings of what grace really is. One definition by Merriam-Webster includes:

• unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification
• a virtue coming from God
• approval or privilege
• a special favor
• disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
• a temporary exemption or reprieve

The Bible has beautiful descriptions of grace and the power behind it. One scripture reading about grace is:

“And God is able to make all grace [every favor and earthly blessing] come in abundance to you, so that you may always [under all circumstances, regardless of the need] have complete sufficiency in everything [being completely self-sufficient in Him], and have an abundance for every good work and act of charity.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8 (AMP)

Many people throughout history have famously quoted about grace. Here are a few of my favorites:

“Grace has to be the loveliest word in the English language. It embodies almost every attractive quality we hope to find in others. Grace is a gift of the humble to the humiliated. Grace acknowledges the ugliness of sin by choosing to see beyond it. Grace accepts a person as someone worthy of kindness despite whatever grime or hard-shell casing keeps him or her separated from the rest of the world. Grace is a gift of tender mercy when it makes the least sense.” – Charles R. Swindoll

“Courage is grace under pressure.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Grace is the very opposite of merit… Grace is not only undeserved favor, but it is favor, shown to the one who has deserved the very opposite.” – Harry Ironside

“Grace is something you can never get but can only be given. There’s no way to earn it or deserve it or bring about any more than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks.” – Frederick Buechner

“Showing grace to others is about showing kindness even when they don’t deserve it.”  – Dawn Klinge

“Grace is a gentle thing. Easily destroyed by selfishness, envy, ill will, and fear. Easily invited by kindness, hope, forgiveness, and love.” – Donna Goddard, Touched by Love

“Without grace, our failures cannot become wisdom.” – Casey Tygrett

Grace Speaks

Grace is favor gifted when no action has proved it deserving. It is unearned favor and blessings. Birth mothers know all about grace: we gave it to our babies when we chose adoption for them.

Our babies didn’t have to do anything or prove anything for us to decide to give them better lives by us, as birth mothers, choosing adoption. We choose to give them this grace out of our love for them, not because of their actions. Just the fact that we love them unconditionally is an act of grace on our part.

Grace says, “I will give my baby a better life through different parents, and I can get through this as a mature and loving being, no matter what.”

Grace is also something we can give to others. As a woman who chose adoption, I have dealt with a lot of misunderstanding from others who ask me if I have children or assume that there was something wrong with me for me to place my baby for adoption.

I give others grace when I forgive them. I give grace to myself as well because I’m not perfect and I have had to make hard decisions in my life. However, I made the best decisions that I have been able to throughout my life with the abilities I had at the time. I have no regrets regarding the decision to place my baby for adoption, even over a decade later.

We can learn a lot about who we are by how we practice grace in our lives, giving it to ourselves and others whenever we see an opportunity. My hope is that you take this new understanding of grace and utilize it on your own journey of healing, coupling it with mercy to provide you with a more elevated and mature view on yourself throughout your life.

This article is the first in its series. Please refer to Part 2 – Mercy, to continue reading on after “Grace.”

-Lindsay Arielle

Lindsay Arielle is a guest blogger for Considering Adoption. She placed her son for adoption more than a decade ago. Over the years, Lindsay has chronicled her post-placement healing walk via her writing to share her experience, strength and hope with other birth mothers on their own paths of healing. Lindsay’s blogs boldly reflect that, “Healing is a journey, not a destination.”

The post Grace and Mercy: Part 1 – Grace first appeared on Considering Adoption.

You know that they’ll be well taken care of with the family you chose for them. But you might not be sure what your life will look like going forward. You might be wondering “Does a kid forget their birth parents after adoption?”

No. You’re not alone in wondering this. This is a common concern of many first-time birth mothers. But we’re here to assure you that your child will never forget about you. With most adoptions today being open adoptions, you will be able to be as involved in your child’s live as you feel comfortable doing so.

If you’re worried about your child forgetting you following the adoption or have questions about open adoption, you can reach out to an adoption professional today to get the answers you need.

What is Open Adoption?

In an open adoption, the birth mother is able to have ongoing contact with the adoptive family and her child, even after the adoption is complete. Most adoptions today are open adoptions. Studies have shown that this style of adoption is the most beneficial for everyone involved.

In previous decades, adoptions were predominately closed. Closed adoptions meant birth parents would never know where their child ended up, and all identifying information would be sealed. This was because of the negative stigma that was still associated with adoption at this time. Now, adoption is viewed as something to be celebrated.

If you choose to have an open adoption, there will be an open line of communication between your child and their adoptive family. This post-placement contact could be in the form of:

• Texts
• Calls
• Emails
• Video chat
• In-person visits

The type of contact you’re interested in and the frequency will always be up to you.

Semi Open Adoption

Semi open adoption is a style of adoption that allows you to indirectly stay in touch with your child. You’re able to stay up to date on your child’s life, but all contact is mediated by an adoption professional. That way, you’ll never have to wonder what happened to your child but you’re able to take some space to heal. And if at any point, you decide you want a fully open adoption, this is always an option for you.

How You Can Stay Involved in Your Child’s Life

With your child being raised by someone else, it can be hard not to worry about them forgetting about you. This will never happen. That’s because, no matter what, you will always be their parent and hero. You made a brave sacrifice to give them the life you want them to have.

There are things you can do to ensure you are remaining a part of your child’s life.

1. Choose the Level of Contact

How do you want your relationship with the adoptive family to look? You might choose to have a one or two in-person visits a year, or you may prefer to receive updates over the phone or social media. This choice will always be yours and will included in your adoption plan.

2. Choose a Family Who Wants the Same Level of Contact

As the birth mother, you will be able to choose the adoptive family.  When you look through adoptive family profiles with your adoption specialist, you will be able to find out how much future contact they’re open to with their child’s birth parents. Many will be open to visits, or other forms of contact.

In fact, some adoption agencies require that all adoptive families they work with to be open to some form of contact with the birth mother.

3. Share Information About Yourself with the Adoptive Family

Tell the adoptive family that you chose all about yourself. That way, they’ll be able to share this information with your child. It’s important that adopted children know about their birth parents. The more information you provide, the more your closure your child will have.

They’ll be able to know more about where they came from and how their adoption came to be. If they were adopted at an early age, they can ask their adoptive parents questions they may have about you.

4. Stay in Touch.

Whether it’s through calls, emails, social media or pictures, staying connected with your child in this day and age has never been easier. It’s a great way to make sure that your child will know who you are, and a way to stay involved in their life. Your child will never forget about you, or the gift you gave them.

You will never have to worry about your child forgetting you. You will always be a part of their life in ways big and small. To get more guidance about how to be involved in your child’s life after adoption, reach out to an adoption professional today.

The post Does a Kid Forget their Birth Parents After Adoption? first appeared on Considering Adoption.

These are all wonderful emotions to have and you should embrace them. But there’s one thing many adoptive parents are never prepared for:  saying goodbye to their baby’s birth mother at the hospital. You’ve likely spent months getting to know this woman and maybe have come to consider her part of your family. She’s making a brave and selfless sacrifice by trusting you to give her baby the best life possible.

Saying goodbye is often more difficult than most adoptive parents expect. That’s why we’ve created this article to help prepare you for potential emotions you may expect and how to navigate them. You can reach out to an adoption professional today to get additional guidance.

What to Expect

The hospital portion of the adoption will have many ups and downs. You may think you know how you’ll feel on the big day, but end up blindsided by unexpected emotions. When you spend time with the birth mother, you may go through a range of emotions together. It’s important to let these emotions play out naturally. Here’s what you can expect:

Joy

This one probably seems like the most obvious. You’ve just received the most precious gift of all. You have the child you’ve waited so long for. You’ll be able to love and nurture them, and give them everything they need. The amount of pure joy can be overwhelming. It’s a moment that may not even feel real.

When you leave the hospital, you will be leaving as parents. This is an incredible experience and one of the best days of your life.

Sadness and Guilt

These are the emotions most adoptive parents don’t see coming. The difficult emotions that come with saying goodbye to the birth mother can catch you completely off guard. Seeing her experience the pain of her saying goodbye to her child can be incredibly difficult. You may even feel guilty, because at the end of the day, you’re going home with a baby.

These are valid emotions. But remember, she chose you because she trusts you to give her baby the life that she wants them to have. The best thing you can do during this time is support the birth parents emotionally. Let them know that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to reach out.

Gratitude

This emotion flows both ways. The baby’s birth parents are grateful that you will be giving their baby a life full of love and opportunity.  You’ll be grateful that she trusts you to raise her child and is giving you the opportunity to be the parents you’ve always wanted to be.

While there may be feelings of sadness, at the end of the day, both you and the birth parents may feel a sense of closure that you’ve had a positive impact on the other’s life.

Starting a New Chapter

Even after you’ve signed the paperwork and brought your baby home from the hospital, the adoption process is never really over. Just because you said goodbye at the hospital doesn’t mean you said goodbye to your baby’s birth parents forever.  If your baby’s birth mom decided on an open adoption, you’ll be able to stay in contact for years to come. You can communicate through:

• Phone calls
• Texts
• Emails
• Pictures
• Video chats
• In-person visits

The frequency of contact will be mostly up to the birth mom, but it means you‘ll be able to let her know how her child is doing, and check in on how she’s doing. Many adoptive parents come to see the birth parents as part of their extended family as time goes on.

If she chose a semi-open adoption, this means that you will be in indirect contact with her. You’ll be able to update her on her child, but all contact will be mediated by an adoption professional. Some birth mothers will choose this post-placement contact arrangement if they feel like being in direct contact will be too painful for them. Some may start out with a semi open adoption and then transition to an open adoption once they have had the space to heal.

No matter what your contact arrangement looks like, it’s important that you always respect the birth parents’ space. No matter how close you’ve become, being separated from their baby can be incredibly difficult, and they may need time to process and heal. The best thing you can do is just take a step back and let her know that you’ll be there when she’s ready.

There’s no denying adoption is a journey full of highs and lows for both the birth parents and adoptive parents. That’s why it’s important that you be there for each other as much as you both are comfortable with. Allow yourself to feel every emotion in its entirety and process it in your own time. Saying goodbye can be difficult, but it’s not the end. Just the beginning of a new chapter!

To get more guidance on how to prepare for saying goodbye at the hospital or maintaining post placement contact, reach out to an adoption professional today.

The post Saying Goodbye at the Hospital [What to Expect] first appeared on Considering Adoption.

Every foster child has a shared traumatic experience of being removed from their home and family. Some may have additional traumas such as:

• Physical or emotional abuse
• Harm directed at someone close to them
• Neglect
• Growing up exposed to drug abuse or alcoholism

There is no hierarchy when it comes to traumatic experiences. No matter what the source was, if left unaddressed, trauma can cause difficulties throughout your child’s development as they grow into adults. But you can aid in the healing process.

If you’re raising a foster child who is battling with trauma, continue reading below to learn more about how it can affect your child and how you can support them. You can also contact an adoption professional to get immediate support.

The Long-Term Effects Trauma Can Have

If a foster child grew up in a traumatic or unsafe environment, all of those feelings of fear, anxiety and sadness that they feel in the moment may manifest as mental illness or the inability to trust others later in life. They may even develop behavioral issues such as eating disorders or acting out in defiance.

You might not even know the effects of the trauma until years after the experience. Children that have experienced a traumatic event or history of trauma are more like to:

• Develop a mental illness or other psychological issues
• Suffer from substance abuse
• Have lower self-esteem
• Have poor emotional regulation
• Struggle to build or maintain relationships

You can help your child fight back and cope with these residual effects by providing them with support and helpful resources. These developmental outcomes don’t mean your child is broken. They just need patience, understanding and a little extra help.

How to Help Your Foster Child Cope with Trauma

Your foster child may have endured years of trauma not only in their biological family’s home, but just from being in the foster care system. Bouncing around between different homes is traumatic in and of itself and can create intense feelings of instability. But it’s never too late or early to help them start their healing process.

The first step to doing this is identifying their triggers. Triggers are anything that may remind your child of their past traumas and can result in an emotional episode or erratic behavior. Triggers can be anything from a specific situation to a certain smell. By knowing what your foster child’s triggers are, you can avoid reopening old wounds. There are three ways you can do this:

1. Patience

Every foster child’s experience with trauma is different, so the way they will heal will be different too. They come from all sorts of different family backgrounds and home environments. How the trauma manifests varies from foster child to foster child. It’s impossible to know what to expect, so try not to make any assumptions. It’s important that you take everything in stride and show them compassion and understanding.

2. Consistency

Being in the foster care system can mean bouncing between different foster families for years. This can create a mindset of instability and may make it hard for your child to trust people or form meaningful attachments. By being consistent and showing your foster child that you’re not going anywhere, you can help them develop a sense of stability.

3. Flexibility

Trauma may manifest as emotional instability and erratic behavior. It’s important that you are prepared to adapt to difficult behaviors and potential challenges that may arise. Instead of lashing out and potentially triggering past trauma, take a deep breath and try to identify the problem so you can work through it together.

One important thing to keep in mind as you move forward in your journey of raising a foster child is that healing isn’t linear. Your child may make a lot of consistent progress in coping with their trauma and then have one bad day brought on by a trigger. This doesn’t mean that the progress was lost. Just that they had a bad day.

There are a variety of resources out there that can help you support your child such as counselors and foster parent support groups.  You can receive guidance and advice on your journey to providing your child with the help they need to heal. To get additional guidance and support in raising a foster child with trauma, you can reach out to adoption professional today.

The post Parenting When Your Child has Experienced Trauma [Helping them Heal] first appeared on Considering Adoption.

While that is how the love of a parent should be, not acknowledging your child’s racial background can be harmful in the long run, not only to them, but to your bond with them. February is Black History Month, a time to celebrate and acknowledge the Black culture and contributions throughout the past and present day. This is a perfect time to encourage your child to embrace their cultural heritage, learn more about their history and educate yourself on Black culture and identity.

Figuring out where to start with such an important topic can be difficult. You can reach out to your adoption professional to get additional guidance and helpful resources. In the meantime,  continue reading to learn about five ways you can celebrate Black History Month with your child.

1. Celebrate Black Artists

Introduce your child to Black artists, whether that is through visual arts or music. Throughout the centuries, the Black community has shaped the arts throughout the United States by channeling their cultural background, personal experiences and other influential figures in their lives.

Unfortunately, in the U.S. Black artists haven’t always been properly recognized or credited for their talents and contributions to the art and music world. Take  some time this month to support Black artists of today. This is also a great opportunity to educate them on influential Black artists throughout history such as Louis Armstrong, Jean-Michele Basquiat, Aretha Franklin, Kara Walker, etc.

2. Patron Black-Owned Businesses

Do some research and try to locate Black-owned businesses in your area. Whether that is restaurants, coffee shops, bookstores or anything else you can think of, take the time to visit them with your child. Not only can this help them see the value in supporting Black-owned businesses, but it can show them that they can own their own business someday too if that’s what they want.

By supporting Black-owned businesses, you are strengthening Black communities and helping them build their business into what they want it to be. Supporting Black businesses shouldn’t be a trend. Make it a habit.

3. Read Books by Black Authors

Whether they’re old enough to read on their own, or you read to them, reading books by Black authors can help you understand the perspectives of different Black people. This will help you to be a better ally, and can be valuable representation for your child. Even fictional books, as these are usually based on real-life experiences.

By reading stories by Black authors, you are honoring these artists and expanding your own understanding of other’s experiences.

4. Talk about Significant Black Historical Figures

Talk to your child about the contributions and achievements of Black people throughout history such as Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Thurgood Marshal, Jackie Robinson, etc. Through  these important figures your child can see the amazing ways their cultural heritage has changed and evolved over the years.

Also be sure to make sure your child knows that they don’t have to be famous or revolutionary leaders to make a difference in the world.

5. Continuously Learn about Black History and Culture with Your Child

One of the best things you can do as a parent is to lead by example. Your child will notice when you‘re reading or learning about Black history and culture. This might not only inspire them to do the same, but also shows them that you care about their cultural heritage as well and that you’re making an effort to be involved.

With the internet today, the opportunities to learn more about Black history and culture are endless. Transracial adoption isn’t about loving your child regardless of their racial and cultural background. It’s about understanding that their cultural and racial heritage is a part of their identity, making sure that they feel loved and supported for who they are.

To get more information about how you can celebrate Black History Month with your child, reach out to an adoption professional today.

The post 5 Ways to Celebrate Black History Month first appeared on Considering Adoption.

Even the smoothest of adoption journeys can still take a toll. After all, you’re devoting a lot of emotional energy and time to take care of the many responsibilities you will undertake during the adoption process. It’s important that you take the time to tend to your own needs to prevent potential burnout.

Your adoption professional can help you step back from the adoption process to get in some much-needed self-care. You can reach out to an adoption professional today, or continue reading below to find seven helpful self-care tips for adoptive parents.

1. Try Not to Hyper-Focus on the Adoption Process

Making the decision to adopt is one of the biggest choices you will make in your life. While there’s a lot for you to think about, constantly thinking about the adoption process or trying to control it will wear you out over time. Things will not happen faster just because you fixate on them.

It can be hard to not let adoption overtake your thoughts. An adoption counselor can help, especially if you’re feeling stressed, anxious or depressed about the adoption process. There are some simple things you can do on your own as well to distract yourself, such as:

• Working out
• Starting a new book
• Pick up a new hobby
• Socialize with friends and family

Anything that can help you redirect your focus in a positive way so that you’re not obsessing over the adoption process.

2. Look at the Positives

You’ve likely come across many challenges on your adoption journey. The adoption process is straightforward, but can be difficult at times. While it may sound obvious, focusing on the positives can make it easier to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. The adoption process is full of so many beautiful moments that you will remember for the rest of your life.

Having an expectant mother choose you as the family to raise her child is an incredibly humbling moment. You’ll have the opportunity to get to know her and form lasting bond. Holding your baby for the first time and seeing them interact with their birth family later on in their life will all be moments that you will cherish. So, while there may be bumps in the road, there is still so much to look forward to.

3. Spend Time with Friends

Having a support system during the adoption process is a valuable resource. Having friends around that you can talk to about adoption or anything else can be helpful.  Your friends want to support you during this time and will be some of your biggest cheerleaders.

It’s also good to spend this time with your friends before you have a newborn that requires your time and attention.

4. Set Aside Time for Yourself

While it’s easy to get caught up in all of the responsibilities of the adoption process, don’t forget to set aside time just to relax. Even if it’s just for half an hour. You deserve (and need) a physical, mental and emotional break. Whether it’s taking a relaxing bath, reading, listening to music or going for a walk, take the time to recharge and focus on you.

5. Check in With Your Spouse

If you’re married or living with your partner, adoption is a team effort. While it can place a strain on some relationships, it can also strengthen them. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with stress.  That’s why it can be difficult if you feel like you and your partner aren’t on the same page or experiencing the process in the same way.

Communication will be pivotal during the adoption process. Check in to see how your spouse is feeling and what’s going through their head. Make sure you express your gratitude and appreciation through the twists and turns of the adoption process. Make sure you are healthily communicating your needs and emotions throughout the process as well. Spending quality time together before your child is born will be incredibly important.

6. Take a Trip

Some couples take a vacation before their baby is born. It doesn’t have to big or elaborate trip. It can be as simple as visiting friends or family over a weekend. Anything that changes the pace a little bit and helps you reset. You won’t’ be able to travel as much once your baby is born, so take advantage of this time.

7. Reflect on Your Emotions

It can be easy to get caught up in the demands of the adoption process. You may end up neglecting your own emotional and physical needs. Take some time to stop and think about how you’re feeling. Ask yourself questions like:

• Are you staying hydrated?
• Are you eating well?
• Are you getting enough sleep?
• Are you dealing with your stress in a healthy way?
• Do you feel supported?
• And other questions like this.

Setting aside some time at the end of each day to tend to your physical and emotional needs can make all the difference. If you’re overwhelmed or feeling burned out, you can reach out to an adoption professional at any time to get 24/7 support and guidance.

The post Self-Care for Adoptive Parents [7 Helpful Tips] first appeared on Considering Adoption.

There are some income requirements for adoption, but these are rarely in the form of a specific dollar amount. However, adoption can be an expensive process. As a hopeful adoptive parent, your finances will be included in the screening process. You don’t have to be rich, but you do have to be able to support yourself as well as your child. You will need to prove that you can cover the adoption expenses and that your income is above the federal poverty level.

Whether you are first-time parents or have been financially supporting a child or children, the adoption process requires a lot of financial planning. To get tips on how to financially prepare for adoption, you can reach out to an adoption professional today, or continue reading below to learn more.

How Adoption Costs Work

Adoption is a big financial commitment. The exact cost will depend on a variety of factors including the agency you work with, your state and the services you will be receiving.  On average, you can expect to spend anywhere between $35,000 and $50,000 on adoption. These costs will go towards the following services and resources:

• Services for adoptive parents such as counseling, education and case management
• Activation fee
• The services for birth parents such as screening, 24/7 counseling and post-placement counseling
• Legal costs
• Birth mother’s medical expenses
• Local and state background checks
• Media and advertising for adoption opportunities

All of these expenses can be overwhelming, but you will always get what you pay for. Every fee you pay goes towards a necessary part of the adoption process to ensure a successful and positive adoption for everyone involved.

Of course, there are other adoption options other than private infant adoption. The cost of adopting from foster care is typically around $1,500-$2,500. If you’re open to adopting an older child or sibling group and not wanting to spend a lot, foster care adoption could be right for you.

Adoption Financial Requirements

While there is not a set dollar amount you have to meet to qualify for adoption, your finances will be taken into consideration during the screening and home study process. The home study process evaluates your emotional and financial stability and home life.  Your financial evaluation will depend on your state’s requirements. Most home studies will require that you provide:

• Verification of income through a tax document
• Proof of health insurance
• Credit check
• Breakdown of monthly expenses

The evaluation isn’t meant to weed you out based on your income levels, but to ensure that you are capable of comfortably providing for yourselves in addition to a child.

How to Cover the Expenses

If you don’t quite meet the financial requirements to adopt, there are ways you can get financial help to begin or continue the adoption process. This could be in the form of:

• Adoption tax credit. The amount you will be eligible for will depend on the type of your adoption and what year it will be completed. The adoption tax credit amount tends to change year to year, so its important to stay up to date with the tax credit requirements.
• Grants and loans. There are many ways you can attain this type of aid. You can apply through certain insurance policies, special loan programs, private grants, etc. You will need to do your own research to determine which is right for you.
• Other forms of adoption. Most foster care adoption costs are up to $2,500, but can even be less. In some cases, you may be reimbursed by the state for certain expenses.

All in all, you don’t have to be rich to adopt, but you do need to be financially prepared to meet the minimum requirements to adopt, and financially stable enough to support yourself and a child comfortably. If you’re struggling to meet the financial requirements, you can reach out to an adoption professional today to get free guidance and advice.

The post Do I Have to be Rich to Adopt? [A Common Misconception] first appeared on Considering Adoption.

While single-parent adoption is possible, it’s important that you consider all of the disadvantages as well as the advantages. That’s why we’ve created this article about the pros and cons of single-parent adoption.

4 Pros of Single-Parent Adoption

Over the years, more children have been growing up in single-parent households, resulting in adoption agencies opening their doors to single men and women wanting to adopt. Over the years many adoptees have been placed with loving, single adoptive parents.  Single-parent adoptions have been shown to have several benefits.

1. You Make all the Parenting Decisions

While parenting alone can be overwhelming, it can also be one of the primary advantages. You won’t have to compromise your values, needs or parenting styles to accommodate a partner when it comes to parenting your child. Single-parenting means there will be less room for disagreements to arise.

You will be able to make your own decisions that you feel are in the best interest of your child. The lack of conflict not only creates a stress-free environment for you, but will also help your child feel more secure. There won’t be a risk of them being subjected to confusion of conflicting parenting methods. You get to call all the shots when it comes to the freedoms and rules your child will have.

2. A Strong Sense of Community

While you may be able to shoulder the responsibility of single-parenting, there will be times where you’ll need to lean on others while you balance parenting, work, hobbies and other activities. Single parents typically end up leaning on a support system made up of friends, family support groups, etc. Not only will your child have the love and support of various people in your life, but they will learn that they can find support in their community.

3. Financial Freedom

While single-parent households do have less income, managing your finances will be easier. You won’t have to divide your expenses with someone else and you will always know when and where money is being spent. You will be able to determine which things will be considered financial priorities. Finances are often a source of conflict in some marriages. As a single-parent, you won’t have to worry about having opposing financial views than a partner, or worry about money being needlessly spent.

4. Undivided Attention

In today’s fast-paced world, it can be hard to find one-on-one time with the people in your life. As a single-parent, you will be able to focus on your child and give them your undivided attention. You won’t have to worry about dividing time between a partner and your child. This will allow you to be even more attuned to their needs and happiness. This strong bond will help your child to feel secure, trusting and loved.

3 Cons of Single-Parent Adoption

There are undoubtedly a lot of advantages of adopting as a single parent. But it does come with its share of challenges. Before you dive into the adoption process make sure you are prepared for the additional responsibilities you will be taking on.

5. Time Management

While you will be able to give your child your undivided attention, you may struggle to find time for anything else. Raising a child on your own means you will have to find a way to balance work, social life and other responsibilities with caring for and bonding with your child. You may need to reach out to your support system to baby sit or lend practical support for everyday tasks.

6. Potential Financial Strain

Even though you will be able to make all of the financial decisions, single-parent households do typically have less income. Adoption itself is an expensive process, so it’s important that you have been carefully planning your finances so that you can prove to you prospective birth mothers that you can adequately prepare for their child.

You also may need to take time off from work when you bring your baby home. Make sure that you have spoken with your employer and/or have a contingency planning place to accommodate any loss of income.

7. Finding Time for Dating and Relationships

Putting dating on hold during the adoption process may be helpful in helping prospective birth parents determine if you’re in a stable position to raise her child. Once the placement has been completed and you’ve brought your baby home, staying single for a period of time can be helpful as you begin bonding with your baby. Plus, finding time to date as a single-parent can be difficult in and of itself.

If you’re interested in single-parent adoption, it’s important to consider all of the different factors involved before committing to the adoption process. If you’re sure that adoption is right for you or if you still have questions, get the guidance you need here.

The post 7 Pros and Cons of Single Parent Adoption first appeared on Considering Adoption.